Thursday, October 1, 1998

Social Solvents

The fall equinox* has come and gone and now I got the fall equinox blues. I'm reminded of my 1996 statement on the subject, which I have as yet failed to improve upon. (A symptom of auld-tymer disease, says those that know me.)

(*: It has been called to my attention that not everyone in the Real Change Readership may know what an equinox is. For those people I will explain. An equinox is an equine-ox, that is to say half horse and half bovine. Therefore it is equi-noxious, to both horse-haters and

bovine-haters. Personally, I hate afghans, because they are cats merely pretending to be dogs, which I find despicable. But that's just me.)

My 1996 Statement Regarding The Fall Equinox,

Whose Actual Title Is Much Longer Than This,

So Much Longer That I Can't Include It Here,

Except To Say That It Includes the Words

"to be Sung Dolefully in the Key of Flat"

by © Dr. Wes Browning

The first day of Fall is the Fall Equinox;

This day means as much as a bag full of rocks.

Not a damn thing has happened, the sky is all gray.

I live in Seattle, we like it that way.

At the first of the month I will get a fat check;

Then maybe this season'll get my respeck.

Until then I'll merely be biding my time,

With nothing to do except write silly rhyme.

The Equinox isn't all that's come or gone and I'm not just talking Presidential politics. Remember those Chris Bayley ads? With no mention of Patty Murray, just "Linda Smith this" and "Linda Smith that"? Way to go, Chris!

Thus was our esteemed Editorial Board moved to weigh in on the local races that still remain, now that the primary is over. So we held a Special Meeting just to decide upon "our" endorsements. And are we at all surprised (it happens every time) that my recommendations are ignored by that August Body? No we are not.

First of all I think we should pay more attention to the cool names some of these candidates have. You voters have already said no to a Pope, to a guy named Mike the Mover, and to a Medley. OK, the People Have Spoken, but those of you in District 41 still have a chance to send a James Brown to the State House. Who cares who he really is! Come on! Make me proud!

Could I ask that the glorious Ed Board consider such a proposal for even a second? Just listen and take a lousy vote on it? Just listen, then yes or no. Would that hurt?

NOOOOoooo: "we're too busy deciding the fate of the Universe, Wes." "If it's so important to you why don't you do it in your silly column, Wes." I just made those quotes up but Ruth A Fox Rhymes With Box Socks and Clocks actually said "put it in your column and smoke it."

Fine. Here are my other picks then. I'm for Faith Ireland if she'll change her name to Kathy by November. I'm for Kip Tokuda, unchanged, because with a name like Kip "no one needs a golden retriever". I regretfully must therefore oppose Kip's Republican challenger Muhammad S. Farrakhan. That's a shame because it would be so cool if the courts had to straighten out a Farrakhan win.

Farrakhan is claiming that the State can't prevent him from taking office even though he has been convicted of felonies.

Though I don't endorse Farrakhan himself, I endorse his right to run and serve if elected. I probably wouldn't be saying that if this weren't the US of A. But it is, and that means me and you and everyone else I know could be defined by one legislative body or another as felonious at any time, because that's just the way we do things here:

"Got a race problem? Don't sweat it! We'll just figure out how the undesirables 'get by', and then we'll criminalize it!"

"Too many poor people lowering property values? We'll just build more jails and make it illegal to exist in poverty!"

There isn't any social problem that ignorant fools can't "solve" by passing laws against it.

Case in point. Flashback to the Dark Ages. The bubonic plague kills two thirds of all Europeans. There is a huge labor shortage. Serfs leave their lands to become itinerant laborers. They charge MARKET prices. The ruling classes are horrified. Laws are passed making it illegal to charge any more than pre-plague prices for labor.

The outcome? Capitalism. Those serfs became the new Middle Classes. The laws came to be universally violated, with the resulting loss of respect for the governments that created them. Any of those wage fixing laws that still remain on the books are historical jokes, like those laws of the same period that prohibited Christians from engaging in money lending (banking). Was that a bad thing?

And why the hell couldn't we have had a Thor in the US Senate? Where were you Ballard, when we needed you?