Now Roll Over

Here's an example of how I think.

I was walking down 3rd Avenue yesterday and saw a couple outside their car. They looked like they were preparing to drive off, but first, a Boston Terrier attached by leash to the female half of the couple performed a work of nature. Then the male half said, "Good boy! Good job!" and I thought about liberal movements.


I mean, you have your liberal movements, and the public either approves or it doesn't. If they approve, it's "Good boy! Good job!" But do they let you off the leash? No. Do they let you drive? Never.

That's not the example of how I think I was going to show you. I'll go on.

When I got home I learned about Live Earth. I hadn't learned much about Live Earth earlier, because I knew it was a liberal movement, and so I was too busy looking away to get the details. I now know that it was 7000 concerts all over the world and that it had to do with Madonna and Sting, in different places and ways, that the South African concert ended with the audience clapping out an SOS, and that you could see the famous giant statue of Christ the Redeemer from where they held the concert in Rio. I hope there were good drugs for that, that's awesome. (Giant statues of Jesus really put me in the mood.)

In Toronto, other concerts from around the world were shown on a gigantic TV screen fashioned by modern technology from the residue of acres of Jurassic ferns laced with rare earths that in twenty years will only be found in toxic dumps and powered by "wind and low-impact water sources." If only we could find a way to harness the unlimited power emanating from the performers' egos.

In London, critics were complaining that Springsteen hadn't been booked, and they got Spinal Tap instead. They're so stuck in the Eighties in London.

So I'm thinking, if they'd got Springsteen, they'd get "Good liberals! Good job!" and maybe a check in the mail, but ten minutes later it would be all about whether the cable was paid and the liberals would be on the floor in the back having nothing to say about it.

That's not the example of how I think I was going to show you. I'll go on.

The public often likes liberal movements. The anti-slavery movement was a good example. The public likes that there was an anti-slavery movement. In my entire life I've only met one guy who expressed regrets about the anti-slavery movement. He didn't want slaves but wanted to be able to have one if he ever changed his mind. Everybody else has said "Good liberals! Good job!" on that one, but the only way it affects how things are done is that they elect Republicans. “Lincoln was a Republican, you know.”

People love the GI Bill. After WWII a liberal clause added to the GI Bill enabled millions of Americans to get college educations, many of whom were the first in their families ever to do so. The result was booming middle-class like no country had ever seen before. The public says, "Good job!" to the GI Bill, then votes in a George Bush, who gives us No Child Left Behind, the choke-collar of education.

The people who brought us Live Earth know all this. That's why they couldn't just ask the public for help stopping the mistakes being made that cause global warming. The people would all just look the other way down the street and wait for the liberals to finish their business. The liberals know they have to get their attention some how.

So, I get this image in my head of a Boston Terrier engaging the sidewalk while doing a cover of Bon Jovi's "You Want to Make a Memory," so he'll have your attention.

There, that's the example. That's how my mind works.