Februaries Suck

[from 2/3/10]

Have a Happy February, everybody, if you can. Februaries are my least favorite months. Oh, they start well, with the cute groundhog and all he represents -- brides, candles and pregnant sheep -- all wonderful things. And they end very well, namely soon. But the middles of Februaries don't agree with me. They're like celery and peanut butter with a side of sauerkraut, washed down with runny ketchup.

Other people like Februaries. Why else would they have their annual supreme pointy-ball rite in one? As you know by now, this Sunday millions of American Footballists will imbibe sacramental beverages while watching Super Bowl XZLVIIW, to be held in the Great House of the Dolphin this year, featuring the Indianapolis Ponies and the New Orleans Sandbaggers, or some such (who cares, they're not from here). The winning team of those two will be honored by being fed to the Dolphin God. But really, it will be the people at home watching, who will be the true sacrificial victims.

Februaries are months I have to buy the woman chocolate. I can't escape buying her chocolate, it is my fate. Likewise, it is my fate to have to hear about how great Lincoln and George Washington were, even though it would have been fine by me if now Florida were in another country, even though George Washington died with 357 more slaves than he inherited from his Dad, and even though I am convinced that if the secessionists had their way slavery still would have ended, almost as soon, and with far less bloodshed, but, hey, I know, too late now.

The Washington State legislature continues to meet in February, and that fact continues to be a source of agony. I can't describe the pain that I feel every time someone tells me about current legislative activity. I can't tell you how much it hurts knowing that they are going to cut social programs which save the state money in the long run.

In fact, this year I feel like February started in January, that's how ugly the news out of Olympia is.

The worst day of February so far was January 29, when the newspapers reported that we had counted 5% fewer people sleeping outside in King County this year and it was proclaimed another proof of the ongoing success of King County's Ten Year Plan to End Homelessness.

Let's recall what the Ten Year Plan to etc. is. It's a process that is driven by committees that formed in and following 2004 and will complete its tenth year in 2014. So it has only four years to go. A lot can happen in four years. Look at 1861-1865. But if the idea is we can get to close to no homelessness at all in four years by a gradual process, we won't make it at this rate. We should have dropped 20% this year at least, to be on schedule.

What's really aggravating about the news of the One Night Count is that I know that the Ten Year Plan to End Homelessness is fraudulently named. It has never planned to end homelessness, only to end the most visible homelessness. A correct name for it would be the King County Ten Year Plan to Cut Chronic Homelessness in Half, Where By Chronic Homelessness We Mean Whatever We Say We Mean, But Rest Assured That When We're Done, Middle-Class Shoppers Won't Complain So Much About Having to Share Downtown With So Many Really Gnarly People.

On those terms, those cynical terms, a 5% drop would be just peachy, if it were statistically significant. We'd be on our way not to ending homelessness, but making it look that less bad by 2014. But, guess what? It's not statistically significant! And the "planners" know it! It's just spin!

To sum up: Februaries suck. January sucked so bad, February started during it. The King County Committee to End Homelessness is a virtual never-ending February of sucking, fraud, and spinning arrogance.