Sunday, January 16, 2011

Nationalism Is BS

[from 4/28/10]

One of my favorite questions, when I'm out in the public, is the one that goes, "Yeah, you're right about how homeless people get a raw deal, but what do you think about illegal immigrants? They take our jobs! " I love expressing my absurd opinions on this subject, while watching my audience scowl and reach for his shoes. So I'm very happy that the State of Arizona has passed an insane law meant to get rid of illegal immigrants there, practically forcing me to trot out my crazy ideas. Let's see how many I can squeeze into 666 words!

How come corporations can go set up almost anywhere they want in the world, but I can't? I was born a human. I didn't have Made in the USA stamped on my butt when I popped out. Nationalism is One Hundred Percent Made-Up BS. Where's MY Free Trade?

Illegal immigrants who use fake ID to get jobs where their taxes are withheld don't dare file to claim refunds. I only wish the stress and the identity theft were taken out of it. Let's agree that anyone who wants to work a wage-paying job in our country may do so, without showing ID, for as long as they don't claim refunds. Let's apply that to citizens, too. If I don't want any part of my tax money back, I'm paying more than my share to keep this thing going. I'm not talking about, say, day-care jobs, where you'd need to know if someone had ever been a priest before giving them the position. I'm just talking about ordinary grunt work.

Countries that are multilingual, like Holland, have higher standards of living than we do. Most illegal immigrants bring languages here that we average Americans would do well to learn, as they would stimulate our neurons and enable us to land better jobs catering to a multilingual clientele. For example, as high-class "escorts" for diplomats. This is mainly an argument to keep out Canadians and Australians. I almost learned Spanish once, but my teacher was deported.

Speaking of deportment, the governor and legislature of Arizona need to all write on the blackboard, whiteboard, whatever, "I will not violate the civil rights of American citizens just to spite illegal immigrants," 500 times.

The worst of the new Arizona law is the part that would have police arresting people suspected of being illegal if they can't produce papers to prove otherwise. It's said this won't result in racial profiling. Let's analyze that claim.

Possibility #1. The claim is false. Racial profiling will occur. All brown-skinned citizens who have lost their ID can and will be jailed, without bail (as stipulated in the law), until somehow, in jail, they can come up with proof of citizenship. Such people will include descendants of the original Mexicans of greater Mexico, whose ancestors have lived continuously in Arizona since before Arizona was US territory, longer than almost all the white people there, and whose claim to belong to that land is that much stronger, if birthright really matters.

Possibility #2. The claim is true! Hooray! That means, since they won't racially profile, they will have to assume every white person in the state is a potential illegal immigrant from Canada or Australia and throw all of those who've lost their ID into jail. This will result in actual white Americans, who were in favor of this law, languishing endlessly in prison on misdemeanor charges, just because they got crossed up by the police right after having had their wallets stolen.

One lovely feature of the law that I approve is that it calls upon citizens to turn illegals in. It even goes so far as exempting the snitch from having to provide a social security number!

Mother-in-law been staying too long in the guest room? Sneak in at night, nab her ID, hide it in the attic, and call the cops in the morning! "She's lying! She's not my mother-in-law, she's from Ontario!"






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