I Actually Wear a Nine and a Half

[from 11/24/10]

Hello, Seattle Police department (SPD). Please meet Good Wes (GW) and Bad Wes (BW). GW and BW just want to talk to you for a few minutes, and address some feelings and concerns that they are having about you.

Good Wes: Nice to meet you, SPD. I’m a long time fan. I’d love to talk to you some time about the great work you do, but there’s just a little problem I’ve been having. You see, we write a column for Real Change, and we’d like to use it to write about other issues.

For example, the fact that Nickelsville, the homeless encampment, might settle into a long term site in SODO is great news to us, and we’d like to write about that. We’d also like to talk about misgivings we have about the process tending toward that result...

Bad Wes: SPD, DO YOU THINK WE HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN DRAG YOUR SORRY ASS IN HERE WEEK AFTER WEEK AND WASTE OUR HALF PAGE DESCRIBING YOUR PRECIOUS DUMPS?

GW: What my partner is referring to, is a tendency your people have of harming people who are not being a threat, and a tendency you have of being less than forthcoming about that kind of behavior.

Recently one of your people killed a man, and then you knowingly let a falsehood stand about the circumstances. This week it emerged one of your men kicked a suspect who was surrendering...

BW: I’M LOSING PATIENCE WITH YOU, GOT IT?

GW: Please forgive BW, he gets a little carried away. Understand, it’s not just the beatings and the killings that concern us. For instance, the beating, you know, was recorded, and you said the video was lost. Alright, alright then...

BW: B%LLSH*T! LET ME AT HIM!

GW: Now, now, he might be telling the truth...

BW: OR CRAPPING OUT HIS PIE-HOLE LIKE LAST WEEK!

GW: Alright then. But, getting back to the matter at hand. It then surfaced that another video was taken appearing to show your same man, the one doing the beating in the first video, assaulting a camera holder minutes after that other incident.

This comes as no surprise, but what bothers us is that the Seattle P-I had occasion to report “Asked to comment on the new video, [SPD] declined to view it, citing the existing investigation into the officer.” Really, SPD? Really? Because, you’re making it very hard to control my partner here...

BW: YOU WANT TO INVESTIGATE THE FACTS BUT YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE ANY FACTS THAT MIGHT AFFECT YOUR INVESTIGATING? ARE YOU F%&KING STUPID OR ARE YOU JUST COUNTING ON US BEING F%&KING STUPID?

GW: Please, please, settle down. Let me get back to our fundamental issues. As I have said, we’d rather not devote so much time and space to you, SPD. We want to return to our business.

We were looking forward this week in particular, to writing 666 words discussing the US external debt problem and its potential to increase US poverty, when you came around with your size 11s, and, uh, metaphorically, kicked our writing table out from under our pens...

BW: I GOT A METAPHORIC SIZE 11 OF MY OWN! BEND OVER, MOTHERF...

GW: Let’s not go there, BW. Let’s try to reason with Mr. SPD. Um, getting back to this beating, which occurred in October, almost a full month before the video was released to the public. The video shows a man, who has put his hands in the air to surrender, being kicked in the groin.

Does the SPD want all potential suspects to believe they will be beaten even if they surrender fully? Doesn’t that promote resistance to the police? I don’t know, I just think that’s something you need to be thinking about, SPD, while the ACLU calls for that federal investigation...

BW:  MY PARTNER SAID, GET YOUR HEAD OUT YOUR A...

GW: Exactly. Thank you, and I hope I don’t see you here next week.