They Have the Right to Remain Silent, But Won't

[from 1/27/10]

I want to tell you the story of "Carl U." I'm keeping Carl's real name from you for now so you won't be prejudiced against him, and you'll appreciate his story better.

Carl was born in Washington, DC, in 1988. He was a big child, and faced cruel discrimination from an early age. He was denied admittance to daycare, just because he looked different and didn't have normal birth parents. He was refused enrollment in public schools. His guardians home schooled Carl, but couldn't get the authorities to recognize it, so to this day, at the age of 21, going on 22, Carl has not been credited with any education. He must fend for himself in the world with no degree, no GED, no diploma, not even a certificate showing completion of first grade.

Unbelievably, Carl was not unique in all this. There were hundreds and thousands of Carls throughout the country. Not only were they kept from attending schools, but federal laws denied them basic freedoms due any citizen, including our highest right, the right of freedom of speech, guaranteed by the 1st and best Amendment to the Constitution. Just because they were physically different and, essentially, orphaned.

Carl and others like him were prevented from doing all the usual things that children do growing up. Admittedly, some of these, like playing house with a cutie, or riding a tricycle, were of no interest to Carl. And true, Carl was actually not at all poor (he could afford chauffeurs.) However, it must have hurt emotionally to know that laws in all 50 states prohibited Carl and his kind from obtaining a driver's license, or even a state ID.

They have been barred from enrollment in Social Security. They are denied TANF, Medicare and Medicaid.

Speaking of TANF (Temporary Aid to Needy Families) Carl et al are not allowed to form families! A gay man can at least marry anywhere in this country, so long as he marries a woman. A lesbian has the right to marry a man. But Carl is not permitted to marry anyone at all! And if Carl tried to raise children they'd be taken away from him by the authorities. It is amazing that anyone should be treated that way in our so-called free country.

But that's all about to end. The times they are a-changin' and soon freedom will ring and Carl and his kind will overcome! For the Supreme Court, the Highest Law in the Land has spoken!

That's right. Carl U is Citizens United, and his was the case that finally established that corporations are people, too, when it comes to the 1st Amendment.

They've come a long way, baby! At our country's founding, corporations had less rights than slaves. Their existence was a privilege to be granted and periodically re-established. Only in 1886 did people begin to admit that corporations were persons, with rights and feelings, with people who love them, with hearts and souls. OK, people didn't say all that then, but they will.

Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission is just the beginning. Once a people begin to take their freedom they cannot be stopped.

The Carls of this country now have 1st Amendment rights. They have had 2nd Amendment rights. Don't ask me how, but they got those first. I guess when you're a big baby, no one takes your popgun away. Anyway they're going to collect the whole set of rights, now. Protection from unreasonable search and seizure, right to due process, freedom from double jeopardy, right to jury trial.

Above all the 14th Amendment will come to have full force, and corporations will enjoy equal protection under the law throughout the land. In 43 states, it will be legal to breast feed a corporation in public. Here in Washington, you will only be able to commit a corporation to a mental institution if it is a danger to itself or others.

On the plus side, we might be able to commit some.